He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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