I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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