I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
