Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
