but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize