If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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