dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
