Me too!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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