this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
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youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
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I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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