We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
