My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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