im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
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you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
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i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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