Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize