i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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