mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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