Kareoke will never be a sober sport
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
