it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
