would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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