I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
