your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
