i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
