Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
