Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
