im about as happy as oj after his trial
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
