My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
