Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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