so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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