There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
