I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
