plz talk dirty to me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
