Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
