found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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