She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
