The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
