half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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