Don't you send me to vm
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
