Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
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You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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