I hope mine doesn't look like that
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why is there bacon in the couch?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
