your room smells of hookers.
And success
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
