I will die if light touches me.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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