well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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