Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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