walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
