If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
