If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
