i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
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