It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
