We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
