I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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