its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
