So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
did you just send me my own nude
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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