So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
