i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
