believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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