wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
