Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
