My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
