4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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