Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
