We won't sleep together?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
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I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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