Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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