I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
