My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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