The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
