dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
