she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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