Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
