My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
