16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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