took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
