My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
