She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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