I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
