thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
