We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
