the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
