I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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