So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
