Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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