He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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