Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
smell my finger.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
