That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
