I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
